Daughter of Lunacy
Synopsis
Daughter of Lunacy is a memoir chronicling my tumultuous upbringing amidst the chaos of my mom’s paranoid schizophrenia, my father’s physical and emotional volatility, and a toxic and controlling stepmom. Spanning from my early childhood through young adulthood, Daughter of Lunacy explores how mental illness, dysfunctional family dynamics, and survival instincts shaped my identity and resilience.
Daughter of Lunacy opens with a phone call that disrupts my life in New York City: my mom, who had been staying with my aunt and has battled schizophrenia for most of her adult life, has gone missing. From this moment, the narrative alternates between the immediate urgency of her disappearance and my life experiences in Washington, where I grew up in the shadow of her illness, and the emotional turbulence of my father and stepmom. Daughter of Lunacy captures the pain, fear, and resilience that defined my early life, including the emotional toll of caregiving and the journey to find my identity. It is a story of survival—from hiding with my father under assumed identities to enduring my mom’s terrifying threats against our lives and the heartbreak of shifting between foster homes. Yet amid the turmoil, there were moments of light: cherished times with my brother Kenny, support from my grandma, and the grounding stability of my Mormon faith.
At the core of Daughter of Lunacy is my complex relationship with my mom, who, despite her mental illness, loved fiercely in her own way. Whether through unexpected phone calls during her periods of lucidity, surprise visits during her episodes, or the more than 145 letters she wrote to me over the years, her presence was a constant in my life, even when I tried to distance myself for my own mental well-being.
Interspersed throughout the memoir are glimpses of life outside the storm—moments of normalcy, laughter, and fleeting childhood innocence. I share fond memories of my brother Kenny, the joy of friendships, and the brief respite found in the love and support of my extended family, as well as my grandma. Yet, these moments are always tainted by the unpredictability of life at home. My father’s violent outbursts, my stepmom’s cruelty, and my mom’s delusions became the backdrop to every milestone.
As I grow older, Daughter of Lunacy shifts from a child’s perspective to that of a young woman coming to terms with the trauma and scars left by my upbringing. My attempts to break free from the dysfunction culminate in a profound moment of transformation when my mom is found dead on the side of a highway in Texas, her life as a homeless woman finally catching up with her. This devastating loss forced me to confront the pain, guilt, and unresolved emotions I carried for years.
Daughter of Lunacy is ultimately a story of resilience. It is about finding strength in the face of overwhelming adversity, grappling with the inherited burdens of mental illness, and learning to reclaim one’s identity in the aftermath of trauma. Through heartbreak, loss, and moments of light, I emerge with a deeper understanding of myself, ready to embrace the life I fought so hard to survive.
Title Explanation
The title Daughter of Lunacy came to me early in my writing journey. While I understand that the term “lunacy” can seem insensitive in describing a complex mental illness like schizophrenia, it ultimately felt like the only word that could capture the raw essence of my experiences. To me, “lunacy” conveys not only the profound instability my mom’s illness brought into our lives but also the pervasive sense of bizarre chaos that extended beyond her. It encapsulates the madness of growing up in an environment fraught with unpredictability, from my father’s volatile behavior to my stepmom’s controlling and toxic presence.
Moreover, the title speaks to my journey of self-discovery amidst these turbulent forces. As the “daughter” or product of such experiences, I found myself shaped by them in ways that would impact my identity, my resilience, and my understanding of family and love. The title, then, goes beyond my mom’s struggles with mental illness—it reflects a broader narrative of survival and resilience, encompassing the crazy, scary, and often surreal experiences that defined my upbringing.
In Daughter of Lunacy, the term “lunacy” becomes a metaphor for the situation and world I was born into: a world where, despite the constant upheaval, I had to find a path to sanity, stability, and self-acceptance. It is about acknowledging the weight of these experiences without being consumed by them, embracing the madness that shaped me but no longer defines me. The title captures both the tragedy and transformation within my story, resonating with the complexity of growing up in a family shadowed by mental illness and dysfunction.
Sequel Summary
Broken Wings and the Iron Rod
The sequel, Broken Wings and the Iron Rod is currently a work in progress, with over 40,000 words completed. Picking up where Daughter of Lunacy left off, it begins with the profound impact of my mom’s death. The narrative opens as I journey to Texas, where I confront the emotional reality of viewing her body post-autopsy and uncover unsettling revelations about her life on the streets. This initial shock sends ripples through my life, setting the stage for an in-depth exploration of my adult years as I grapple with lingering trauma and embark on a long journey toward healing.
At the core of this journey remains my complex relationship with my mom, whose presence continued to shape my life even after her passing. This relationship forms one of three central pillars in the sequel: mom, faith, and healing. Each is woven through my story, reflecting the foundational forces that guided me through adversity and, ultimately, toward self-acceptance. My Mormon faith, the second pillar, provided a structure of support and moral grounding—a framework I leaned on heavily to protect myself from the chaos that once defined my life. However, in seeking security, I sometimes clung to these beliefs in restrictive ways, creating a journey marked by both resilience and self-imposed limitations.
This story also delves into the healing process as I navigate personal struggles with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, and codependency—challenges rooted in the instability of my upbringing. These themes give readers an unfiltered look at the complexities of recovery, self-acceptance, and the lasting impact of inherited pain. Through confronting familial bonds and their influence, I embark on a transformative journey that brings new understanding to love, resilience, and identity.
Broken Wings and the Iron Rod is both a heartbreaking and ultimately hopeful account of survival. It speaks to readers who have faced generational trauma, mental illness, and personal adversity, offering an authentic voice on the path to healing. By exploring the darker aspects of family dynamics alongside the enduring power of faith and inner strength, this memoir captures the relentless pursuit of light amid life’s shadows.